Metallica, Sheffield Arena, 16-10-96

I don’t remember much about this one & it’s hardly surprising really. My personal life was in turmoil. Since my dads passing at the end of ’93, my world was falling apart. I got ill with colitis,which is stress related. At the worst i was just shitting myself away with no control of my bowels & often blood was involved. There was extra stress at work as i could see the place was going down hill ,partly due to the new “manager”. My wife wasn’t supporting me, she was just getting further away at i time i really needed her support. They were dark days. When i was diagnosed with colitis, someone said to me “You must be pleased to know it’s not bowel cancer”. Strange as it sounds, i hadn’t even considered that to be a possibility. I always thought i was indestructible, but things were proving me wrong.I was wasting away & losing the fight. I knew there were problems with the wife, but, when she wont talk about it, it’s hard to try put things right. I’ll also admit it wasn’t one sided, i had made mistakes. But, it was becoming too much of a struggle for me to get through the days as i was so weak (physically & mentally), so i needed to try look after myself more, or i wouldn’t make it through. So the Metallica show….All i remember is i met my old friend Andy there as at the time he was living in Lincoln (he’s since moved back to Boston). I said to him something like “It’s really falling apart with me & Jack. I think we’ll end up splitting up”. Little did i know that that night, whilst i was out, she would be fucking an absolute slime ball…i’d find out the following day. I still think it was partly because she didn’t have the guts to talk or even finish things between us. An easy cop out & she could blame someone else. For me, the most important thing in any relationship is honesty. If there’s a problem, talk about it & try work things out or call it quits. As much as i was furious,disappointed, betrayed, i said lets try work through this. (Yeah, i know, a stupid thought from me, but …) Damn it’s hard reliving this era of my life. Even now it ties my guts in knots. But i will say, there was one redeeming thing about this shit from her, she did eventually realise what she did was scummy & was perfectly “fair” with our divorce. No silly demands & just wanted a large cash settlement. Ironically, i had secretly set up a P.E.P.  The plan was to surprise her with a trip to Australia to see her cousin.  She cleared me out of all my money & then some. At least she didn’t put up a fight. I think that’s also because she knew i would not give in easy & we’d have both ended up with nothing.

So this show is one i’d like to forget & yet i will never be able too due to events around it. Jump forward to 2015 & i’m in such a good place now. The happiest i’ve ever been maybe. I’m surrounded by great friends, both local & abroad. Sure, there are times i wish there was that one special person in my life,but, i don’t think i can ever trust anyone again…

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